The Sad Story of Wayne and Wanda
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: The odd adventures of the singing first season only couple from the Muppet Show speaking of which, I think this section should be called The Muppet Show, and not Muppets Tonight!


Wayne and Wanda are a Muppet couple who preformed in The Muppet Show's first season (so you've seen them if you got the DVD). Whenever they would sing, something would go wrong, until they were apparently fired by Kermit. We never got to see him do it, so I think it would have went like this...

* * *

(Wayne is walking into Muppet Theater, singing "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head." Before he gets through the first line, a bucket of water is dumped on him)

Wayne: Who...who did that?

(Wanda runs over)

Wanda: Wayne! Wayne! Terrible news!

Wayne: Not now, Wanda! I've planned out our number.

Wanda: But that's the problem! Kermit says...

Wayne: If there's not enough room in the show for us, we'll make room! Like kick out that unfunny bear, or that dreadful pig! Or...or that whatever!

Wanda: Gonzo? I think he's an alien.

(NOTE: I personally like him as a whatever. Actually, he's a Frackle...don't ask)

Wayne: We could cut them, or our guest star...whoever that is.

(Kermit is on stage, singing the theme song)

Kermit (singing): To introduce our guest stars, that's what I'm here to do. So, it really makes me happy to introduce to you...Mickey Mouse!

Muppet Chorus: But now let's get things started on the most sensational, insperational, celebrational, Muppetaitional, this is what we call the Muppet Show!

Kermit: Thank you all for coming! We've got a great show for you

(Wayne runs onto the stage)

Wayne: Kermit! Wanda tells me that we're not scheduled to go on tonight!

Kermit: Um, Wayne? Can we talk about this backstage?

Wayne: Certainly not! I demand to know why we can't go on! NOW!

Kermit: Um...oh, dear. Wayne, I wanted to tell you somewhere less embarrassing than all these people...you're fired.

Wayne: Fired?

Kermit: Yes.

Wayne: As in losing my job?

Kermit: Yes.

Wayne: You horrible, indecent, filthy, reptile!

Kermit: Actually, Frogs are amphibians. Didn't you see those sketches I did on "Sesame Street?"

Statler: We showed it to my grandson, and he never wanted to watch TV again!

(Statler and Waldorf laugh)

Wayne: Why are you firing me? And in front of all these people?

Kermit: Well, I just said that backstage...

Wayne: You did no such thing, you lizard!

Kermit: I'M NOT A...look, Wayne, you and Wanda sound great, but you never get through your songs. Something bad always happens. Don't forget "Trees."

(We see a clip of Wayne and Wanda singing "Trees." A tree falls on Wayne)

Wayne: That was the prop department's fault! You're firing me, but you're putting on a rodent!

Kermit: I heard Disney was going to own the Muppets in the future, so I thought I should get on their good side.

Wayne: Look! I am going to sing a short, simple song, and NOTHING bad will happen! Got it? (singing) Twinkle, twinkle, little star...

(A comet crushes him. Dr. Bunsen and Beaker walk in)

Bunsen: Astounding! No comets were even in orbit! Wayne, sing it again!

Beaker: Mee mee!

(Wayne sings a tiny bit again. A comet falls, this time crushing Beaker)

Bunsen: I can't explain it! It's a miracle!

Wayne: Hear that, Kermit? You're firing a miracle!

Kermit: It's not a miracle! It's a disaster!

(Sam Eagle rushes in)

Sam: Kermit! What you are doing is completely un-patriotic!

Waldorf: Let's kill the anti-Crist terrorist!

Kermit: This is insane! Wayne! Wanda! GET OUT! YOU'RE FIRED!

Wayne: And so with sadness, I leave the stage. But, still...(singing) I did it my way!

(Wayne and Wanda both fall through a hole in the stage)

Bunsen: Odd. That wasn't there earlier.

Beaker: Mee moo!

(Wayne and Wanda make their way out of the theater)

Wanda: What do we do?

Wayne: We don't need those Muppets, with their "Far-Scape" and their "Frag-Gle's," and their "Gro-Ver's" and "El-Mo's," and their awful "Mahna Manah's!" We're our own people now! Let's go!

Wanda: But I heard they're filming a Muppet Movie!

Wayne: A Muppet Movie...THAT'S IT! We're going to get in that movie and be known to the world!

(We are now on the open road. Wayne and Wanda have a camera)

Wayne: We will film our musical number here, and then replace Kermit's number with it! Then the public will know talent!

Wanda: But the public will be confused! It will look as if Kermit and Fozzie magically turned into us!

Wayne: Well, that's the editor's problem!

(Wanda turns on the camera and she and Wayne pile into the car)

Wayne and Wanda (singing): Movin' right along, in search of good times and---

(They accidently drive into the camera)

Wayne: Oops.

(Next, we see them in an airplane)

Wayne: Alright, we didn't make it into "The Muppet Movie," but we can still do "The Great Muppet Caper!"

(Holding the camera, they jump out with parachutes)

Wayne and Wanda (singing): Hey! A movie! I just love a happy...

(Suddenly, they drop the camera, which sails away)

Wanda: Well, there goes THAT movie...(singing) Up in the wild blue yonder...

(The parachutes blow up..., sending them falling towards earth)

Wayne: This is tame compared to our "Spaceship" number...

(We later see them in New York)

Wayne: Let's find where they're filming "The Muppets Take Manhattan!"

Wanda: Is New York safe?

Wayne: Of course! (singing) New York, New York!

(A bunch of muggers attack them. Later, we see them on the set of "A Muppet Christmas Carol")

Wayne: Hurry! We'll get into this big shot! They won't notice us until it's too late!

(They stand in the background of "One More Sleep 'Till Christmas." It's the part with the skating penguins)

Wanda: I don't think the camera is picking us up!

Wayne: You're right! Well, I'll change that!

(Wayne jumps into the shot)

Wayne (singing) After all, there's only one more sleep 'till...

(Wayne slips on the ice and crashes into the wall. Statler and Waldorf walk by, dressed as Marley and Marley)

Waldorf: ...'till you go to the hospital!

Gonzo: Wow! I gotta try that!

(Gonzo slides into the wall as well)

Gonzo: I wish you didn't get fired! You know how to have fun!

(We see them next in a boat)

Wanda: This may work, Wayne!

Wayne: Yes! "Muppet Treasure Island!"

Both (singing): Sailing for adventure...

(A cannon is fired at them, and the boat sinks)

Wayne: Forget "Muppets From Space!" There aren't enough songs, anyway...I have a new idea! We're going to be known all across the world when this works!

(Wayne and Wanda are in a room that's empty, besides a camera. In another room, they are working on controls)

Wanda: When we flip this switch, we'll be broadcasted across the world!

(They flip the switch and run into the other room)

Wayne: People of the world! We are Wayne and Wanda, the world's greatest singers! And best of all, this room is empty! Nothing will go wrong! Listen!

(Wayne and Wanda sing one syllable of the song, and the entire house collapses. Sam Eagle is watching it all on TV)

Sam: Beautiful.

(It's now a few days later at the Muppet Theater. Statler and Waldorf are in their box. Wayne and Wanda walk in)

Wayne: Move over, men.

Wanda: We might as well heckle like you.

Waldorf: Well, our verse in the song is coming up.

Wayne: Quiet! Wanda and I will sing it! (singing) Why do we always come here?

Wanda (singing): I guess we'll never know!

Both (singing): It's like some kind of torture...

(Both of them fall out of the box)

Statler: They won't be able to see the show from right down there.

Waldorf: Lucky guys.

(The two of them laugh as the show starts. As for Wayne and Wanda, well, who knows what will ever happen to them?)

THE END

* * *

As you may have guessed, I liked Wayne and Wanda, and miss them. They apparently were in an episode in the fourth season where Kermit mentions he fired them, but I never saw it. Either way, they may come back...oh, and I might as well say that I don't own the Muppets or anything...copyrights, what can you do? 


End file.
